A question cropped into my mind yesterday.
Who is a real friend: one who feels for your in your happy moments or one who feels for you in your moments of need?
Answers were many. Someone also gave the example of how when she was under distress, only a few friends would call her every evening. And that made her feel so much better. I also have my own life-experience, when during one of my calamities I suddenly opened my door to discover three of my long-forgotten friends standing. That did made me feel so much better. Hence, it seems the question is baseless and has but one equivocal answer. A friend is one who stands beside you during your hour of peril.
However, I always believed that a real friend is one who can be heartily happy for your happiness! I thought a bit more and discovered a nice observation!
Agreed that; a friend is one who stands beside you during your hour of peril. But not all those who stand by you during your calamity are your friends! During your moment of calamity many will come out to help you. This is the natural human tendency! We feel pity for one in calamity. Most (not all) will feel an ego-boost to find someone is calamity. Thats why we all get a feel-good tango when we do some social work! It may sound blunt, but this is the fact. We dont feel intimidated by seeing someone in trouble.
Whereas, if someone is prospering our ego feels belittled! We may feel that logically he is my friend and I should be happy for his prosperity. Hence most of us show that we are happy when any of our friends is having more happiness than we have! But in our heart of hearts we know that there is a tinge of jealousy!
Hence, its easy to get people who will be sad when you are sad. But to find someone who will be happy (from his/her heart) when you are sad, is a herculean task!
Mathematically speaking the condition 'to feel sad when your friend is sad' is a necessary condition for being a true friend. But the condition 'to feel happy when your friend is happy' is a sufficient condition for being a true friend!
In other words, a true friend need to be sad when you are sad. But just because someone is sad when you are sad, does not make him your true friend. Whereas if someone is happy when you are happy, then he IS your true friend!
I.e. 'being sad when you are sad' is a quality of true friend; whereas 'being happy when you are happy' qualifies a true friend...
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Free will
The way I see it, we can have two schools of thoughts:
1- God-believing: If we believe in God, then that God has to be omnipotent. Hence there is always a preplanned destiny. Because what use is a God who does not have control over time !! I read somewhere in a book by some physicist from UK: our condition is like a fly crawling upon a dusty picture. As its treading ahead, its deciphering a part of the picture. For it, its all new, its all his choice and all that. But for someone who can see the 'big picture' (pun intended), its all obvious!
2- Atheistic view: If our knowledge till the date is fine, then there was a big bang and the creation (including time) started from there. After that things started spreading out. But the origin is one. And we also know that there can be no effect without a cause. Hence with the cause being the same, the effects are all deterministic. Rather its calculable (but may not be predictable).
Hence, free-will is but an illusion! We just feel that we are taking a free-willed decision! But actually we are not... or may be I am wrong somewhere...
1- God-believing: If we believe in God, then that God has to be omnipotent. Hence there is always a preplanned destiny. Because what use is a God who does not have control over time !! I read somewhere in a book by some physicist from UK: our condition is like a fly crawling upon a dusty picture. As its treading ahead, its deciphering a part of the picture. For it, its all new, its all his choice and all that. But for someone who can see the 'big picture' (pun intended), its all obvious!
2- Atheistic view: If our knowledge till the date is fine, then there was a big bang and the creation (including time) started from there. After that things started spreading out. But the origin is one. And we also know that there can be no effect without a cause. Hence with the cause being the same, the effects are all deterministic. Rather its calculable (but may not be predictable).
Hence, free-will is but an illusion! We just feel that we are taking a free-willed decision! But actually we are not... or may be I am wrong somewhere...
Friday, April 10, 2009
Dejavu: Forbidden Love!
(originally written on 28-Jun 06)
Few years back I read a novel in OdiA, "kahibAku lAja" (tale of shame), which described the love between two cousins! Forbidden love. There are societies where cousin love and marriage is accepted. But where they are not, its a shame, its a sin, its a sabotage of culture, to do it. Surprisingly I found recently a friend who had done the sin of loving his cousin! Might sound disgusting to some. But how can you stop the force of love? It just happens. They might have been close. Then they attend puberty. Find that their ideas match. They get closer at a higher level. And before any of them realized, they are in love....or whatever word you chose for this feeling. (It might sound filmy but it IS the fact.) Then what? In the novel, the lovers finally got married, against the will of the society. Here the reality differs from story. My friend was helpless. He knew they could never get married. What they did was forbidden love. He had started a story with no end!
Same way, depending on the society, there can be forbidden loves of so many types. Every society has its own taboos and rules. Starting from extremes of gay-love to simple thing like loving some one from the same neighborhood, love can be forbidden in society.
My point is, what is it like, to be in a forbidden love? When you know that you cant dream of things like "getting married" or "being together for ever"? When you know you cant stake many for one. When you know running away wont be the best option. When you know love is painful, still you cant NOT do it. Does it make love more pure? Or at least as per the conventional philosophy? Because here you love for the present, knowing very well that there is no future! Does forbidden love teaches you the gist of love, to love with no expectations, to work without any desire for the fruit ("mA faleshu kadAchana")?
Few years back I read a novel in OdiA, "kahibAku lAja" (tale of shame), which described the love between two cousins! Forbidden love. There are societies where cousin love and marriage is accepted. But where they are not, its a shame, its a sin, its a sabotage of culture, to do it. Surprisingly I found recently a friend who had done the sin of loving his cousin! Might sound disgusting to some. But how can you stop the force of love? It just happens. They might have been close. Then they attend puberty. Find that their ideas match. They get closer at a higher level. And before any of them realized, they are in love....or whatever word you chose for this feeling. (It might sound filmy but it IS the fact.) Then what? In the novel, the lovers finally got married, against the will of the society. Here the reality differs from story. My friend was helpless. He knew they could never get married. What they did was forbidden love. He had started a story with no end!
Same way, depending on the society, there can be forbidden loves of so many types. Every society has its own taboos and rules. Starting from extremes of gay-love to simple thing like loving some one from the same neighborhood, love can be forbidden in society.
My point is, what is it like, to be in a forbidden love? When you know that you cant dream of things like "getting married" or "being together for ever"? When you know you cant stake many for one. When you know running away wont be the best option. When you know love is painful, still you cant NOT do it. Does it make love more pure? Or at least as per the conventional philosophy? Because here you love for the present, knowing very well that there is no future! Does forbidden love teaches you the gist of love, to love with no expectations, to work without any desire for the fruit ("mA faleshu kadAchana")?
Tuesday, April 07, 2009
Dejavu: Feline Love
(I thought of reviving some of my old blog postings!! This one was written 02 JULY 2006.)
I was walking today from my flat to the university, and saw a black cat sitting in the sun. I went near her; she was not at all disturbed. I sat with her, she took the pain to look at who this god-damn fellow is! I patted her on her head. She rose. I knew what the cats like the best, a cuddle beside their neck. I did that and she was ecstactic! She mewed, came closer, straightened her tail, and purred! This love went on for a few minutes. I stoped cuddling, and rose. She immediately went back to her original position in sun. I started to depart. Looked back once or twice, only to find Ms.Cat happily enjoying the sun, as if nothing happened. Levae alone coming behind me, she even did not bother to give me a parting look (the looks that you get from dogs!).
This is feline love......detached, mature, and impersonal. Love that happens and only cares about present! No past acquaintance is needed for this love, nor does it leave any mark for future. Is this what seers describe as pure love? At the moment, as if there is nothing more to it, as if there is nothing above it. Just the very next moment, as if nothing has happened! Something to learn from my black cat, whom I loved for a few minutes???
I was walking today from my flat to the university, and saw a black cat sitting in the sun. I went near her; she was not at all disturbed. I sat with her, she took the pain to look at who this god-damn fellow is! I patted her on her head. She rose. I knew what the cats like the best, a cuddle beside their neck. I did that and she was ecstactic! She mewed, came closer, straightened her tail, and purred! This love went on for a few minutes. I stoped cuddling, and rose. She immediately went back to her original position in sun. I started to depart. Looked back once or twice, only to find Ms.Cat happily enjoying the sun, as if nothing happened. Levae alone coming behind me, she even did not bother to give me a parting look (the looks that you get from dogs!).
This is feline love......detached, mature, and impersonal. Love that happens and only cares about present! No past acquaintance is needed for this love, nor does it leave any mark for future. Is this what seers describe as pure love? At the moment, as if there is nothing more to it, as if there is nothing above it. Just the very next moment, as if nothing has happened! Something to learn from my black cat, whom I loved for a few minutes???
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