memory and consciousness!

Sometime I read something which gave me the feeble feeling that may be our consciousness is due to our memory! May be time also flows just because of memeory? If there is no memory, how does one distinguishes present from past?

Today morning, my slumber was broken suddenly by the noise made by the wings of a fly trapped between the panes of my window. It was a semi-dream semi-deep-sleep state, and somehow my mind wandered in many directions at a time. And as the day is passing I was forgetting the stuffs..........hence I thought of blogging them!

Somehow I felt that the fly does not have much memory. It has a mossaic vision system, may be instantenous memory is all that it needs. Then I imagined my self to be a fly (I was in semi-dream state u remember), and tried to see how it feels. That part I have forgotten. But one thing was sure, I did not felt any inconvenience in my fly-avtar! I just had to flap my wings to get to anything that looked like food. And it was as if my body has been embedded with the art of flying. So that needs no memory. I fly to food, that needs no memry. I had mossaic vision, hece a really wide sense of sight.

But yes, there was no sense of time..................... Are flies conscious being?

Round the Country

I took the lab for the undergrads this year, and one of those students have been travelling in India in summer. From May till September! All alone, and he is a Swiss! Many of us have stayed in the same country for around 1/3rd of our lives, but still have not seen anything near to what this foreigner lad has seen. What he is telling me about his travel is indeed inspiring. Lone traveller, in a new country. I think I gotta do this, and that too as soon as possible.

nAdhame labdhakAmAh!

Ah! i getting bit obssessed with old sanskrit pieces. Sorry, but I thnk this is the season for it! I read this piece while in class-X. The context is like this (this is from the famous "meghadutam" epic by the great poet kALidAs).........There is this demi-god, who did some nonsense stuff and was put in prison in some land in far land in southern India. He was to be there for 1 or 2 years. He was separated form his beloved wife who was in the Himalayas. When monsoon of the year comes, he is so sad, as Mansoon supposed to be the most romantic season in India. So he composes poetry and requests the big clouds to carry his words to his wife. While requesting the clouds, he says "Oh great clouds, you are majestic in all respect. You are humble and benign, and you bring life to earth. Because you are magnanimous, I request thee. As, its better to request someone great and get rebuffed, than requesting some lowly person and even getting your desire!" This final line is the quote "yAnchA moghA-waramadhiguNe; nAdhame labdhakAmAh!" Better to beg from someone nobel and even get rejected, than requesting someone who is lower than you (even if he grants you your wish).

Is the above logic valid in today's world? Lets put aside the fundamental reasoning that no one is better no one is worse. Still we all have our own scales and we measure people as good better best! I have seen people who can change their whole attitude for a moment, just to gain a little favor. And there are those stubborn specis, who would never bow, unless the one they bow is better than themselves (by their standards).

Yatha Dristi!

I have heard a quite often quoted line from Indian literature, "yathA dristih, tathA sristih!" (Creation as per vision.)

I was aware of its deeper meaning, which wants to put that world or creation is in your mind, strictly determined by your perception and sense-organs. I can never determine is the green I see and the green that you see, are exactly the same green! Nor could we ever tell how the world looks to an ape or to a fish or to a bee. We all have our preconditions, prejudices, prenotions, that we have gathered through our life. Hence I can never ideally see your world. We all carry our own views, visions and versions of the creation. But often we feel like what we feel are absolute. Anyway lets not go into that dilemma and make things more confusing.

Second, more obvious version of the line, I came to realise very recently. It might also mean that we tend to see people the way we ourselves are. If I am crooked, I will apprehend that everyone else would be crooked. If I have a tendency to flirt, I can never believe that anyone else can ever do serious love. If I am credulous, I would tend to think everyone else is credulous. One of my friends was one day complaining that he has no love in his life, no-one understands his feelings. His GF never cares to commit anything. Few days after that day, his GF proposed him and slipped a diamond ring in his finger. Now he denied that ring, and the reason he gives for it is, he thinks his GF is only after sex, and hence he is being alert.

Well, where can we put the line between alertness and paranoia! We see ourselves in others. A small line, but big comprehension. We, our own world and our own images in the world. Reminds me of the song, "mad world". Did I just tell anything about myself...;-)

All Happy!

Deepanjali's comment to my last post, made me rethink on one of my pet questions. "Is it possible for all people to be happy for ever?" Can anyone give me the example of any society/community (across four dimensions of space and time; i.e. anywhere in world or at anytime in history), where everyone is happy? I have not come across any. After seeing societies in India, then few in the so-called-developed countries, I saw NO society where everyone is happy. Why? Back in India, its understandable. There is trouble, poverty, struggle-for-life, disease, negiligence etc etc etc. Things whose mere metion can bring you to tears.

But in developed world.....its some dream place for my standard. Where you have no tension, your life is secured, your future is secured. Still, people are unhappy, troubled, depressed, dejected, destituted, neglated, and miserable. Seeing few troubled families during my social works, I could not decide who are more dejected, we in India or they at here?

Somebody once told, "nature has enough resources to make each of us rich!". Still we are poor. Evenif we are rich, we are still miserable.

Is it then the human nature to be miserable? Or as Osho once told, "there is nothing that can satisfy your mind or heart. Riches, properties, family, love, spirituality...nothing. Only thing that can make us free is the realisation that human mind is insatiable!"

But to me, this raises more questions than it answers. Its like a perpetual cycle. We go on trying to change the condition, to make ourselves happy, work for a better society, toil for a happy-state. But this is something impossible to acheive. Still we work. Still we toil, still we long, still we dream..... As I once heard in a TV seriel (Chanakya), "mAnA ki andherA ghanA hei; sahasra suryon ki roshni bhi use khinna karne mein asamarth hei; fir bhi ek nanhA dipak jaltA jAtA hei. kyun ki wohi uskA dharm hei!". (Its accepted that darkness is pitch deep; so deep that even a thousand sun cant eradicate it; still a tiny lamp goes on burning itself emitting a tiny light. Why? May be because thats what is its characteristics/dharma; thats what its destined to do. Thats what it CAN do!)

Gain or Lose!

Can a man be free at his will? Free from social boundaries, from cultural restrictions, from what others say? Can one become like the hero of the book "Fountain Head"? Doing as he like, maverick?

In general its not so possible. However, at certain point in ones life, one can afford to do it. We all are born with certain obligations, certain duties, which we have to perform. Once the basic duties seem to wind up, one can start being independent or start building his/her own web of further duties. Personally I think, if we could be attentive enough to catch ourselves at this juncture, then we can afford to be independent and free.

I have a friend who is tremendously creative. He is a maverick, he is confused. But thankfully, at the junction where he is now, he can start turning maverick in real sense. He can quite his job in IT and go to do farming if he like so! Can he do it? And many crazy things he wanna do. Can he do it?

Why not? He has NOTHING TO LOSE. OK ppl may say things, he might get a bit poorer, he might lose some money. But in absolute scale, he is secure. At the worst case, its the society which might lose, not the maverick.

Feline Love!

I was walking today from my flat to the university, and saw a black cat sitting in the sun. I went near her; she was not at all disturbed. I sat with her, she took the pain to look at who this god-damn fellow is! I patted her on her head. She rose. I knew what the cats like the best, a cuddle beside their neck. I did that and she was ecstactic! She mewed, came closer, straightened her tail, and purred! This love went on for a few minutes. I stoped cuddling, and rose. She immediately went back to her original position in sun. I started to depart. Looked back once or twice, only to find Ms.Cat happily enjoying the sun, as if nothing happened. Levae alone coming behind me, she even did not bother to give me a parting look (the looks that you get from dogs!).

This is feline love......detached, mature, and impersonal. Love that happens and only cares about present! No past acquaintance is needed for this love, nor does it leave any mark for future. Is this what seers describe as pure love? At the moment, as if there is nothing more to it, as if there is nothing above it. Just the very next moment, as if nothing has happened! Something to learn from my black cat, whom I loved for a few minutes???

Causality!

Nothing happens without a cause! Well, thats what most of us tend to believe (explcitely or inside our hearts). OK, let me cite a simple experience of mine. I was baking a pizza in my oven, and was a bit lost in my thoughts. And while taking the pizza out, I burnt my palm! Simple reason, because I was not mindful, was not attentive, I got this burn. But can we put it the other way? Because I had to get this burn, I was not attentive...! Which way the cause-n-effect should go?

Because there was a chick, there comes this egg..........or because this egg is here, there was a chick?

SOunds funny and non-sense............but I am quite puzzled by this thread and direction of this thread.......thread of causality! The rule of Karma. Because I swore at my friend, now I miss the train......or because I had to miss the train, I swore at my friend?

Because I am confused, I am writting this or because I had to write this, I am confused?

Empathy!

One of those nice words, that I like in English! "Empathy", word which says so much,.....well at least to me. Putting oneself into another's position. Putting your foot in another's shoe!

I was watching a French movie (name was something RED). European movies are quite nice, a different world from the American movies! Anyway, in it there is this psychopath retired judge, whose neighbours did not like him, and once a while one of the neighbours would throw a stone at his house. Peacefully he was collecting all the stones, ....there were six of them till that day. He was saying to his friend, "I think they must be hating me like anything. I am sure I would have done the same at their place". His friend gets surprised and asks, "you would have thrown stones??". He answered, "Its so natural; given those conditions, anyone would have behaved exactly the same!".

What we call as ourself, our morales, our principles, none of them actually belong to us. We have picked them up in our journey called life. We are bad or good, its as much natural. Philosphers sometime say, its natural to be happy. Its our nature to be "Anand". Then why are we not? Are "WE", different from nature?

If someone is bad its natural, if someone is good, its equally natural. Put yourself in his/her shoes, you can not become anything else! So where is the reason to be happy that I am good or to be sorry that I am bad (or have bad feelings)?

Forbidden Love!

Today I was thinking of a strange topic. And after reading comments from Surya, I felt at least this topic might be of interest, as this will be off utopian dreams! Forbidden love...

Few years back I read a novel in OdiA, "kahibAku lAja" (tale of shame), which described the love between two cousins! Forbidden love. There are societies where cousin love and marriage is accepted. But where they are not, its a shame, its a sin, its a sabotage of culture, to do it. Surprisingly I found recently from a friend who had done the sin of loving his cousin! Might sound disgusting to some. But how can you stop the force of love? It just happens. They might have been close. Then they attend puberty. Find their ideas match. They get closer at a higher level. And before any of them realised, they are in love....or whatever word you chose for this feeling. (It might sound filmy but it IS the fact.) Then what? In the novel, the lovers finally got married, against the will of the society. Here the reality differs from story. My friend was helpless. He knew they could never get married. What they did was forbidden love. He had started a story with no end!

Same way, depending on the society, there can be forbidden loves of so many types. Every society has its own taboos and rules. Starting from extremes of gay-love to simple thing like loving some one from the neighborhood, love can be forbidden.

My point is, what is it like, to be in a forbidden love? When you know that you cant dream of things like "being together for ever"? When you know you cant stake many for one. When you know running away wont be the best option. When you know love is painful, still you cant NOT do it. Does it make love more pure? Or at least as per the conventional philosophy? Because here you love for the present, knowing very well that there is no future! Does forbidden love teaches you the gist of love, to love with no expectations, to work without any desire for the fruit ("mA faleshu kadAchana")?

Love me!

Beloved one saied to his lover, "Sweety, do you love me?".
Sweety: "Of course yes!"
Lover: "Then how come you were kissing that other friend of yours?"
I have gone a bit further, to kissing. People get this conversation even when one of the pair just goes to picnic with another guy/girl. What is pure love? What is true love? Can I love you and also another person? Better put, can I love you and your friend equally? Difficult questions...!

Many peices of philosophies could be found talking this way or that way on this topic of pure-love and definition there-of. But still we are human beings, we feel possessive. We feel insecure. We feel may be my beloved darling will leave me. May be he/she will settle for another person. Threre come two types of insecurity in this. One, is my love strong/secure enough? Second, is my life secure enough to be lived without my heart's love?

Hmmm. Human being is insecure. We all are scared. We all are surprisingly bad at accepting good things! Still....

Coming to the main topic, can a person love more than one at the same time? Un-adelterated love, or to say "sati" as from Indian culture. "Sati" is one with extreme devotion to her husband, loving only and only her husband. "Sati" might be the purest and highest form of love. However, if we go a bit deeper, and see the list of five great "satis" (pancha mahAsati), then we come across ladies whose purity could easily be questioned by common standards. Draupadi, who married 5 men at a time! Tara, who married her husband's brother, soon after her husband's death. And more such cases. (Surprisingly, Tara who married her husband's brother and led a happy life is considered great"sati". I dont know how now a days people think "sati" mean burning the wife of a dead husband!)

The way I understand this confusing stuff, is may be pure love is one which is pure at the moment. May be Draupadi had 5 husbands. But while with one of them, she had him only in her mind. At the moment , she breathed every breath only with him. A sort of standard, which have not yet been achievable by the so called open culture of west. May be we have to rediscover a lot more about "love" and "commitment"!!!

Comparative

I remember quite clearly, when I was in class 5, we had English. In that we had to remember the comparative and superlative versions of some adjectives. Good better best. Sad sadder saddest! Bad worse worst! Does the existence of comparative terms show some type of immaturity in the mass-psychology or culture to say? Those from India, can very well remember that, comparative and superlative terms are almost non-existent in original languages. "achhA" (good), "bahut achhA", "sabse achhA". Not as crisp as good-better-best. Coming to older language like Sanskrit, lets take any word, like "dukhih", or sad. There is NO word like sadder or saddest. The only thing that come to my mind is "ati-dukhih", which mean "very sad", not sadder. Linguists know, how rich Sanskrit is. Hence lack of certain common word can only imply at one thing. The object or feeling represented by that word, was non-existent!" Lack of comparative words from dictionary! What does it say about that culture or society?

Lets change the topic. What do we mean by saying "I am luckier than you to get you as my love!"? Or lets say, "Lalajee loved his eldest son the most! He is the saddest of all his sons, at Lalajee's death". How can I compare who is sadder? How can I say I am luckier? What is the scale to measure? What is the unit? Why is man not happy? Because we compare! We compare everything with everything! From my experience, I feel the day we stop comparing, will be the day for eternal joy!

Can the present human civilisation be mature enough again, to lose all comparative words from dictionary?

Confusion!

Met with an old friend, who asked me why dont I blog..........Hmmmm; "OK" I said. And here I am, writting my first blog.
Is confused personality bad? good? Is confusion good for one? bad? for the society? I hate philosophical questions. Questions where the answer can be both YES or NO! I am confused, and hence think everyone of us is confused. Admit it or not, you are confused. The very fact that you are not stagnant and still moving ahead in life, implies you are confused...still looking for some answer.

One of the common confusions in youth is confusion about what to do with the life? We want something, we desire somthing different, we can work for something different again. Desires and delimiters (from society) make the tug of war, which gives rise to most of the confusion. My friend told me, he wants to be an enterpeuner, but is not sure if he could. He also wants to do an MBA and choose the easier settled life.

Another firend of mine said, I am abominable, because I am confused.

I saw a movie, where the lady character wanna do suicide, as she could stand the confusion of life no more.

Just a second before I was confused about if to write the blog or to go for a coffee or to do some work.

Confusion mean motion. Search for something. Quest to know something. Tryst to hide something. Effort to compromise some facts with the future. It means life.