I am lucky to have friends who understand me. One such friend is Darryl who gifted me an amazing book as my birthday gift. https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/29496453-the-book-of-joy
The book is a guided dialogue between His-holiness Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Presented in a very methodological way it discusses many real life stories from the lives of both these men; stories which brought me lot of tears. But the book helped to me gather some new insights, insights which changed me fundamentally.
This made me revisit something which I have been looking at for a while now, viz. the four Brahmaviharas of Buddhism. These are four things professed by Buddhism as goals reaching which you can have consistent joy! Achieving these is difficult. But we can just try in bits! What I liked the most is that it is presented in increasing levels of difficulty! There are many write-ups on these. Still I could not resist myself from putting my personal understanding.
1- Metta: This means feeling oneness with others. The Sanskrit root is "Mitrata" which loosely translates to friendship. This is the easiest step amongst the four. Though it is not easy for many of us who have never fallen in love; who are too scared to feel the vulnerability of love. However, this is still the easiest feeling to develop. Something like Kim whom Kipling describes as "the friend of all three worlds"!
2- Karuna: This means compassion. This is another easy emotion to develop. You see someone suffering and that makes you feel bad. That is sympathy. If you feel the pain yourself as well then it is empathy. And if you are motivated to do something about it as well then it is "Karuna". Our lives are so full of miseries and sadness (I do not know why though) that when we see another person in pain we immediately relate to it. That makes sympathy an easy goal.
3- Mudita: I have written a blog on this. This is when you see someone happy and you feel happy as well. It is the opposite of jealousy. Most of us are so far from joy that we can not feel it when we see another person happy. It is one of the most difficult emotions. However, if one can achieve it then there is no lack of sources of joy for that person. And if we note carefully we shall see how extremely difficult it is to develop Mudita. I find it the single most important way to achieve perennial joy.
4- Upekha: Loosely translated this means ignoring. So we have tried to be friendly with everyone and every thing; then we tried to feel the pain of others and then the happiness of others. Pain and happiness are both addictive! We get attached to them and as soon as we get attached we want things not to change. However Anica (another Buddhist term which means change) is a fact of life and if we get attached then we are back in pain (for others). So the last goal is to not get attached. This is the most difficult emotion to achieve and I do not understand it fully to tell more about it.
I believe, if exposed at the right phase of ones life, the four Brahmaviharas can start us in the path of eternal joy.
The book is a guided dialogue between His-holiness Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu. Presented in a very methodological way it discusses many real life stories from the lives of both these men; stories which brought me lot of tears. But the book helped to me gather some new insights, insights which changed me fundamentally.
This made me revisit something which I have been looking at for a while now, viz. the four Brahmaviharas of Buddhism. These are four things professed by Buddhism as goals reaching which you can have consistent joy! Achieving these is difficult. But we can just try in bits! What I liked the most is that it is presented in increasing levels of difficulty! There are many write-ups on these. Still I could not resist myself from putting my personal understanding.
1- Metta: This means feeling oneness with others. The Sanskrit root is "Mitrata" which loosely translates to friendship. This is the easiest step amongst the four. Though it is not easy for many of us who have never fallen in love; who are too scared to feel the vulnerability of love. However, this is still the easiest feeling to develop. Something like Kim whom Kipling describes as "the friend of all three worlds"!
2- Karuna: This means compassion. This is another easy emotion to develop. You see someone suffering and that makes you feel bad. That is sympathy. If you feel the pain yourself as well then it is empathy. And if you are motivated to do something about it as well then it is "Karuna". Our lives are so full of miseries and sadness (I do not know why though) that when we see another person in pain we immediately relate to it. That makes sympathy an easy goal.
3- Mudita: I have written a blog on this. This is when you see someone happy and you feel happy as well. It is the opposite of jealousy. Most of us are so far from joy that we can not feel it when we see another person happy. It is one of the most difficult emotions. However, if one can achieve it then there is no lack of sources of joy for that person. And if we note carefully we shall see how extremely difficult it is to develop Mudita. I find it the single most important way to achieve perennial joy.
4- Upekha: Loosely translated this means ignoring. So we have tried to be friendly with everyone and every thing; then we tried to feel the pain of others and then the happiness of others. Pain and happiness are both addictive! We get attached to them and as soon as we get attached we want things not to change. However Anica (another Buddhist term which means change) is a fact of life and if we get attached then we are back in pain (for others). So the last goal is to not get attached. This is the most difficult emotion to achieve and I do not understand it fully to tell more about it.
I believe, if exposed at the right phase of ones life, the four Brahmaviharas can start us in the path of eternal joy.
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