I recently met an interesting person. Somehow into our discussion came the topic of having babies. In that he quoted his mother who would say "when you decide to have a baby be prepared to raise the baby on your own!" Do not rely on a partner to help you or to be with you in this process. Many things can happen; relations can change and (heaven forbid) the partner may also meet with some unfortunate end. Among all these uncertainties one should not take the responsibility of a kid if he/she is not strong enough to do it on his/her own.
I found this extremely intriguing. The more I think on it the more interesting it appears. First of all it means one should not rely on the assumed future benediction while starting something new. And if we contemplate further this line of thought we can have many interesting conclusions.
Just like a baby when one starts seeing a potential partner one should be ready for any future. One should not start with the rosy assumption of "forever together" where "forever" is such an ill-defined phrase. But does it mean that we start a relation with lot of anxiety and negativity? Not necessarily. In fact its exactly the opposite. When starting a date we can assume that the love is already there. I remember in one of the movies the main character meets a girl in a club and asks her "can we fast forward to day-3?" Similarly when we are seeing anyone why can we not fast forward to day-N? What stops us from having the intensity of day-N on day-1? Because I have decided to give up relying on future-benevolence I can as well forget the impact of time all together. If I am not trying to trust on the existence of day-N then why not have day-N's intensity and excitement on day-1? Here N can be the day when your love would have been the most intense and beautiful.
And if we project it a bit further then having a baby is like starting a new endeavor. And as the wise mother said let us not assume the presence of the partner in future and be ready to carry the endeavor forward on our own. Can we not assume "love" as this endeavor? Can we not, then, not assume the presence of the willingness or presence of the partner in this project as well? Then the love becomes free-standing depending only on my own willingness and earnestness. A love that is not depending on the other. The other is a (sweet) desirable part of it but not the necessary part of it.
The more I ponder on the line of the wise mother the more beautiful and enlightening it sounds. If we can jump to day-N when we meet someone and jump on our own (without necessarily having his/her support) it is bliss, is not it?
I found this extremely intriguing. The more I think on it the more interesting it appears. First of all it means one should not rely on the assumed future benediction while starting something new. And if we contemplate further this line of thought we can have many interesting conclusions.
Just like a baby when one starts seeing a potential partner one should be ready for any future. One should not start with the rosy assumption of "forever together" where "forever" is such an ill-defined phrase. But does it mean that we start a relation with lot of anxiety and negativity? Not necessarily. In fact its exactly the opposite. When starting a date we can assume that the love is already there. I remember in one of the movies the main character meets a girl in a club and asks her "can we fast forward to day-3?" Similarly when we are seeing anyone why can we not fast forward to day-N? What stops us from having the intensity of day-N on day-1? Because I have decided to give up relying on future-benevolence I can as well forget the impact of time all together. If I am not trying to trust on the existence of day-N then why not have day-N's intensity and excitement on day-1? Here N can be the day when your love would have been the most intense and beautiful.
And if we project it a bit further then having a baby is like starting a new endeavor. And as the wise mother said let us not assume the presence of the partner in future and be ready to carry the endeavor forward on our own. Can we not assume "love" as this endeavor? Can we not, then, not assume the presence of the willingness or presence of the partner in this project as well? Then the love becomes free-standing depending only on my own willingness and earnestness. A love that is not depending on the other. The other is a (sweet) desirable part of it but not the necessary part of it.
The more I ponder on the line of the wise mother the more beautiful and enlightening it sounds. If we can jump to day-N when we meet someone and jump on our own (without necessarily having his/her support) it is bliss, is not it?
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