Disclaimer: First of all sorry that I have been OFF for such a long period. I mostly write my blogs when there is some sort of pain in the heart or mind. When I am silent, you may presume that I am content :)
Few days back I was talking a very close friend of mine, who mostly is pretty cool even in adverse situations. He suddenly told me about his life's philosophy! This is what I heard! (PS: If you look at the Buddhist scriptures, they have been narrated by Ananda the arch-disciple of Buddha. Ananda never says "Buddha told" this or that! He always says "I heard the Buddha telling...". A simple difference in words but it actually means a lot. The day people realize this, much of the fundamentalism will disappear! E.g. while reading the Holy Quoran, if I always keep in mind that this is what I am reading or understanding from the holy book, then there is no problem! Problem comes when people say "this is what God has decreed"! )
The greatest art of communication lies in controlling the other person and not getting controlled. Try to take him/her in surprise. Act in just the opposite way as what he/she would have expected to react. Lets say someone gives you a really bad abuse, he/she subconsciously is prepared to see you all angry and blasting or tearful. If you don't act like that, you are hurting him/her in a very bad way! He/she is instantly defeated! So the secret lies in seeing through what the other person is expecting and of course if you want him/her to feel defeated! If he/she is your beloved one, there is no point making him/her feel bad. If he/she is abusing you, you react and shout and may be shade tear. But if you are trying to confront the other person, then be ready with the shock therapy! React just the opposite way of the way he/she would expect you to react!!
PPS: This reminds me of the sayings of Krishnamurthy as told to me by my father: "Most people go on reacting all their life and they never actually perform any action! Try to look at the world without any precondition and then you will stop reacting and start acting! Thats the joy of meditation!!".
7 comments:
I would say follow Mahatma Gandhi's way. If somebody abusing you dont react the same way, be cool stay calm. Not that dont react at all try and convey to him, what is right and what is not, the way it does not hurt anyone, the "Satyagrah" way. The best way you can control ppl around you, the way Gandhiji controlled entire British community.
Nice article :)
This beauty of the theory underlying this post is that it puts forward a generalized version of Mahatma Gandhi's ideology that focussed too much on Satyagraha. Why a generalized version: For instance, at times the other party may be expecting no confrontation. So a person mastered to look through other's intension will act in the opposite way- and its inherent to human nature (most cases) to feel distressed when faced with contradictory situations- that point is central to this post.
In a similar way, reacting in expected way (depending on people) will soothe your near ones.
But I could not understand the connection between this post and the saying that edicts 'thinking without pre-condition'.
@Vicky: Gandhijee and his ways will take a lot more maturity to understand leave alone to implement upon. Its the path of a superior species maybe. He did react but in his own way. He was 'mahatma'. Till we can be 'mahatma' we can follow some mediocre strategy :)
@Sikka: Thinking without precondition means having no prejudice. Lets say we talk over chat and we have a past relationship. Lets say you just forgot to say "Hello sir". And I am expecting that in my mind. Then eventhough you have not tried to hurt me, I am hurt! This is because I start the cnversation with some prejudice. The way my father would say, bitter gourd (Karela) has a taste of its own. Its neither good nor bad. If I start eating it with all my taste memories, then I feel bad. Well, this is the case only if you dont wanna feel bad. But I for one am ready to feel bad. Because feeling bad => I can also feel good which is a great thing :)
Kaku says
1-Probably It is our greatest mistake to segregate Gandhi from us by prefixing Mahatma before his name.That means we don't want to do what good things(even according to us)he had done.Its not the act of a superior species ,rather act of an average man.Our mind plays the trick when it does not want to do any thing itself,it says like that -this is the act of a saint--a great man --a super human etc etc .....it is so good and extraordinary and beyond the reach of people like us.Probably at the entry of Oxford university it is written"what man has done man can do"
In Bhagabad Geeta Shri Krishna selected Arjun to talk all the song of life as he was an average man in a great confusion and even in a state of great tormoil tormoil .That means what he had told to Arjuna is also suitable to any average man.
2) The greatest art of communication does not aim at contrlling any body(or gaining victory over the other) rather it is an art of communion with the other( only when you can open your heart)
3)The life can only be lived when we live in the present >Not when on the basis of the past knowledge we would evaluate the present there by bringing death to the Present.
4)Living in the present does not mean to be insensitive to the sourroundings rather it is just the reverse,Take for example Sri Ram chandra ,the most composed and wisest man, shedding tears like any thing at the loss (kidnapping)of his wife.
Your friend just sounded like me :)
Don't react, Respond (in your own way) is the Mantra. Because Reacting you lose, Responding you win.
Nice thought sir..and comments on Ghandiji and his policies are debris of knowledge..
Isn't it a contradicting article professor? Are you not contradicting truth and fundamentalism/belief here.
I love the part where it says "What I understand" vs. "What I am told" which synonyms "Truth" vs Understanding of truth" synonyms "Moksha vs. understanding of Moksha"
Where is art of communication coming in when you start with "Truth". No matter what is the communication, no matter what is the belief, no matter what the facts are, the truth underlying is the truth.
The raise above all talks about no communication; in fact it does not talk at all.....
PS. Comment is on what I heard from your blog :)
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