A question cropped into my mind yesterday.
Who is a real friend: one who feels for your in your happy moments or one who feels for you in your moments of need?
Answers were many. Someone also gave the example of how when she was under distress, only a few friends would call her every evening. And that made her feel so much better. I also have my own life-experience, when during one of my calamities I suddenly opened my door to discover three of my long-forgotten friends standing. That did made me feel so much better. Hence, it seems the question is baseless and has but one equivocal answer. A friend is one who stands beside you during your hour of peril.
However, I always believed that a real friend is one who can be heartily happy for your happiness! I thought a bit more and discovered a nice observation!
Agreed that; a friend is one who stands beside you during your hour of peril. But not all those who stand by you during your calamity are your friends! During your moment of calamity many will come out to help you. This is the natural human tendency! We feel pity for one in calamity. Most (not all) will feel an ego-boost to find someone is calamity. Thats why we all get a feel-good tango when we do some social work! It may sound blunt, but this is the fact. We dont feel intimidated by seeing someone in trouble.
Whereas, if someone is prospering our ego feels belittled! We may feel that logically he is my friend and I should be happy for his prosperity. Hence most of us show that we are happy when any of our friends is having more happiness than we have! But in our heart of hearts we know that there is a tinge of jealousy!
Hence, its easy to get people who will be sad when you are sad. But to find someone who will be happy (from his/her heart) when you are sad, is a herculean task!
Mathematically speaking the condition 'to feel sad when your friend is sad' is a necessary condition for being a true friend. But the condition 'to feel happy when your friend is happy' is a sufficient condition for being a true friend!
In other words, a true friend need to be sad when you are sad. But just because someone is sad when you are sad, does not make him your true friend. Whereas if someone is happy when you are happy, then he IS your true friend!
I.e. 'being sad when you are sad' is a quality of true friend; whereas 'being happy when you are happy' qualifies a true friend...
3 comments:
rajadware smasanecha ja tishthati sa bandhava....:)
i totally agree with you.
You can be with a person during his happy or sad times...but feeling happy or sad with him is not easy.
So a person who can feel what you feel is your friend ( not out of sympathy or just to please you when you are prosperous)
freefriendship jion free www.marrymee.blogspot.com
I am sorry to say, but this condition is stupid one. Why do someone has to feel happy just because his friend is happy?
Everyone has his or her own dreams/aspirations. Its just natural, when you see someone having success when you haven't, to feel a little jealous. But the important thing is to get over with it and move on. Don't be so critical about friendship, its a emotion and like every other, its very complex. So sit back and enjoy the friends that you have.
Consider a condition where a guy is in love with his friend's gf. When they get married, the guy is sad. Ofcourse he will be sad. He loves this girl and she is marrying his best friend. He cannot even say anything. Does that mean he is not a good friend because he is nt participating in your happiness.
At some point of time every guy fantasizes of sleeping with a film star or someone hot and sexy. Does that mean, that guy is cheating on his wife/gf. NO.
Bottom line, Actions speak for themselves, rather than what goes on in the guy's heart (rather the brain).
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